Year of Accountability…Part Deux

New year, new me. Ok that’s been used to death.  I don’t want a new me either. I’m happy with the current me. Still a work in progress but I need to hold myself accountable and keep on the right path. Let’s bring everyone up to speed.

January 2018. Started a new weight loss challenge at work. My scale said 195, the work scale said 200 which makes sense with my clothes and shoes. I’m for the most part low carb but then I give in to something that keeps me from getting into keto. Cookies, a chicken sandwich. I had a realization today: why work hard at doing low carb if I’m going to mess it up with one item of food?  All that hard work and then I let it go down the drain for something carby? Nope. Let’s reset the mind.

I’m still fitting into my clothes but they’re getting uncomfortable. The carbs bloat up my belly and then the pants get tight. So let’s put on the “big girl chonies” (metaphorically, of course) and face the truth: I need to be better and hold myself accountable. I am aiming to hit my goal this year and I am the only one who can do it. Me.

So meal prep is gonna happen. I already started doing it a few weeks back and it really works well for me. I have a few things at work in the fridge like heavy whipping creme and my sugar free chocolate creamer for when I need some extra coffee at work. I also have a jar of pickles so if I need something quick, that can get me through it. I’ve been sick and when I get sick, I crave carbs. I need to work on getting me through those episodes. I need to do this for me.

I turn 49 in about 3 weeks. I actually do enjoy aging. I’m a gamer so I think of it as “leveling up”. I think I look really great for my age. Plus it helps that I’ve always looked way younger than my actual age. I remember hitting 40 and thinking “I’m going to lose weight so I don’t go through my 40’s overweight”. That didn’t work out for me. So this year, my 49th, is extremely special because I’m on the path to enter my 50’s in the best shape of my life really. I deserve that and I realize I’m the only one who can do that for me.  I started working out. No big workout sessions, but squats, crunches, etc. Let me tell you, those 40 squats on day 1 made the next few days painful but I welcomed the pain because it reminded me that I am working on a better version of me.

I made one of those “now-then” pictures and posted it to my FB keto group. It’s what is keeping me going. I look at it and think “wow…I finally did that!”.  The pic on the left was a few years back. I took my kids to see snow for the first time and I took a picture with my son. I looked at it and realized that I was so HUGE. It was the first time I was confronted with an image of myself where I couldn’t believe I let myself get out of control. That picture is burned into my mind and I think of it when I think of straying now.  Here’s the pic:comparison

So I need to recommit to the “Year of Accountability”. I hit 198 on my scale this morning and I’m so mad at myself for letting it get that far.

I will not go back to the 200’s.

I will not let all my hard work go down the drain.

I will not give into bad habit.

I will not beat myself up and let defeat define me.



Holidays mean nonketo food?!

It’s official, my coworkers make amazing food. Unfortunately it’s not keto friendly. And yes, I have had a bite here and there. I’ve also eaten some thin crust pizza and a hamburger and not beating myself up about it. At this point, I’m not in ketosis, just low carbs. I’ve seen the difference that it’s made in my body. My clothes are fitting better again. I’m back to where I was before I started eating the bad food again. I bought some pants because it’s getting cold in Arizona (yes, 75 is cold to us desert dwellers) and I fit into size 12 and 14 .  The belly bloat is gone and the mind fog is gone too. So I’m happy about that.

My energy level is weird. At work, it’s there but once I come home, I sleep all the time. I work in retail and I unload all the online orders, which means lots of trampolines, furniture, kid ride-ons, weight sets. So I definitely get a work out but I’m 48 and I feel it at the end of the day. Plus my days off are split with me working Saturdays so I’m not recovering like I used too. I’m hoping that once the holiday season is over and I get some proper rest that I can not be so sleepy all the time.

Only 2 weeks left in this month and I’m pretty sure I’m not hitting my 175 goal. I have to remember that I started out at 245lbs and hit 185lbs. That’s 60lbs down!!! I did that! I’m healthier than ever, look amazing and have helped others on their weight loss journey. My husband is going to try keto come January. I’m hoping it works well for him. I keep telling him that it’s going to be hard but once he sees progress, it’ll keep him motivated. So keep him in your wishes and prayers that he sticks with it. I love him so much and want him to lose the weight so we can grow old together and drive each other insane in our 80’s. LOL

The Week of Carbs…was it worth it?

This past week has been interesting, to say the least. It started out a couple of weeks prior where I allowed myself to have some actual pizza. It was so delish but I felt so bad afterwards like I was drunk. I fell asleep right after I had it due to the rush of carbs. When I woke up I was stumbling around like I was drunk. I couldn’t walk straight. Hated that feeling. I read where others had similar experiences. I then got a flu shot a few days later and then I got sick. During this whole keto experience, I haven’t really gotten severely sick. I would feel like I getting sick but then my body would fight it off and that would be it. But this time, the cooties won. I haven’t been this sick since the beginning of the year. I told my husband that my immune system has gotten amazing on keto and once I let my guard down…BOOM…the sickness came and attacked me hard.

I got the illness that has been going around work. Sneezing, coughing, body aches, chest hurts like crazy, fever, chills and a killer sore throat. Unfortunately, I had the carb cravings like crazy. I wanted chicken noodle soup so I made some. Then the nausea hit for about 4 days. Anytime I moved, I felt like I was going to lose it. In the past, hamburgers make that feel better so I had some, specifically Big Macs. Basically, I ate so many carbs which did make me feel better initially but after a few days of carbs, I started to feel so bad. I have the constant carb headache now and my breathing is shallow again. Anytime I exert energy, I start doing that heavy shallow breathing I did as an overweight person. I used to feel this pressure in my front left shoulder that felt like my artery clogging up when I ate fattening foods. Well, it’s back. I hate that feeling.

So now it’s back to keto. No cheating. Gotta get back into ketosis. I’m lucky that for the most part, my clothes still fit well but the scale does say 194. So that’s 5 lbs gained during these past 2 weeks. In a way it’s good that I’m feeling this bad because it’s a good reminder of how far I’ve come in how my body has reacted to keto. I went from feeling like crap to feeling amazing to feeling bad again. I want to feel great again. I deserve to feel good again.

So we’re at the end of November, my goal was to be as close to 170 by Christmas. 25 lbs weight loss in one month is not realistic…at least doing it in a healthy manner isn’t realistic.  I have let myself down big time. However, I promise to try my best and see how far I can get by Dec 25th. Let’s see what I start the new year off at.  The best part is that I promise to end the year as a healthy version of myself. I started off as an overweight, tight size 22, barely able to breath 47 year old woman. Now I am so much better off and am recommitted to my goal! After all this is the Year of Accountability!


Scale stays the same but body tells a different story

One thing that I’ve noticed in my keto/low carb groups is how people get so hung up on the scale. “I’ve been doing keto and the scale isn’t moving” or “It’s actually going up a few pounds”. I see this a lot and you can just hear the frustration in their posts. People post this and they say how they’re ready to throw in the towel and give up. I say DON’T!! Instead ask yourself how are your clothes fitting you? We start to burn the fat and yes, the scale goes down, but sometimes we put all our faith in the scale. That is a dangerous thing.

These past couple of months, I haven’t lost weight. I weigh exactly the same as last month but my clothes are so much baggier. Some of my jeans are super baggy.  I was a 16 and I just bought size 14 in jeans a few days ago. I actually fit in the size 12 but I can’t stand to have a tight waistline due to the years of stomach issues. But hey, I fit in a size 12 in jeans and looked good!!!!  I haven’t done that in over 21 yrs!! Some of my shirts are so baggy that I can’t wear them. I finally fit in a size 38 bra band comfortably. Even my shoes are looser. This is all stuff I couldn’t do a month ago yet the scale still says 189. I would rather go by what my clothes tell me than what the scale tells me.

So don’t let that scale rule your world. The sun doesn’t rise or set by that scale. Look at what your body is telling you. Listen to it. It’s worth it and you will feel so much better about yourself when you do.

I’m going to do something different. I usually post my starting/current weight at the end. I have been using 242 as starting weight but after talking with a friend, I’m going to put 245. I was 242 on Jan 1st, 2017 so that’s why I use that weight. but I was 245 the previous month before. That was my heaviest and my friend pointed out that I should use that weight since it was so close to the beginning of the year and it was my highest weight. As she said “you should be proud of losing those extra 3 lbs!”. She’s right.

Starting weight: 245

Current weight: 189

Total lost: 56 lbs

19 pounds left before I hit that major goal of 170!!!

Weight loss interrupted…and I’m ok with that (for once!)

So September has been an interesting month in that I really haven’t tried to lose weight. It’s been more about maintaining weight. I have eaten a few things here and there that I’ve missed.  I just go right back to eating low carb right after that. My biggest thing is cheesecake. Oh Lordy, cheesecake. I threw my husband a 50th bday party, and just like I said in my last blog regarding my cousin’s bday party, I did good on the dinner part but lost it with desserts. I really miss sweet desserts. Someone brought my dessert “crack” which is cheesecake. I’ve had a slice a day for the past few days. I’m looking forward to it being gone because the temptation is great.  However, all this has shown me that I can maintain the weight, which is good. Now onto getting back into ketosis and losing some more weight!

I’ve noticed something really important about myself this month. I’m at a place where I am definitely loving my body. It’s not perfect but I feel good about it. It really makes a big difference in my confidence. I still have more weight to lose, I have my poochy belly and loose skin, but I’m happy with the progression. I look back at where I started and cannot believe that I’ve come this far! Yay, go me!!

I have had more skeptical people coming up to me and seriously asking what I’m doing because they want to see results like I’ve been getting. I’ve noticed that the people that were my loudest detractors are the ones who are coming forward asking how to do keto.  It’s been good to see them start it and see results and be happy with that. As I tell them, “weigh to go!”.

But seriously, I need to get back and stay on track. My busy season at work is coming up. The next few months are not only holidays but it’s filled with family bday parties here at my house so I need to get in top condition for that. I really want to be 170 by Christmas. Kind of a Christmas present to myself. I think I deserve that.

Update on my daughter: she hasn’t been doing low carb or keto but she has been trying to cut out as much flour in her food as possible. She’s noticed that her stomach issues are not bothering her when she eats gluten free. So now she knows that what causes the pains and can decide if she wants that gluten free pizza or regular pizza. She is in control of those choices. Plus she’s feeling a lot better, energy wise, and can see the difference in her body too.


Weigh to go…that’s my motto now

This has been a very interesting month so far. While I’ve only lost 2 lbs this month, I can really tell from my clothes that I’ve lost inches.  The pants and shirts that I bought a couple of months back are baggy on me now.  The belt I was using is now too big, this will be the 3rd belt I will have bought in my journey. Even my shoes are getting loose! Oh and I hit the 50 pound mark. YES!!! 50 freaking pounds! I am so dang proud of myself!

It’s crazy to look at my body and see it shrinking. My legs are leaner than ever. I used to be athletic and have really strong solid thighs and calves.  Now they’re so thin, I’ve never seen them this thin. It kind of threw me off at first. I also have no butt. I know, that sounds weird but since I’ve pretty much have not exercised through this whole keto thing, I don’t have a butt. Gotta get my squats on!

Another plus that I’ve experienced this month is that I am really liking how I look in pictures, mirrors, etc. I’m looking pretty good and it’s showing in pictures. I know, that sounds conceited but it’s not. It’s me realizing that I’m getting to where I’m happy with myself.  I went to QT and got out of my car to throw something in the trash. I caught my reflection in the glass and was taken aback when I realized that it was me! My cousin and I were talking about how all this weight loss has affected us. I told her that I don’t still see the “fat girl” in the mirror when I see my new self. I look in the mirror and think “that’s the girl I knew! About time she came back!”. It’s like I’m rediscovering myself. It’s doing wonders for my self confidence. There’s an inner calmness to me now since I’m more like my old self. That internal struggle is going away. I feel more in control of myself, in a way.

So many new discoveries. I look forward to it all. And I am not taking any of it for granted. I used to think that I was fat back in the day. At 130/140 pounds I thought I was fat. I realize now that I wasn’t. I was buying into societies conception that women have to be model thin. Now I know that I was in great shape and I am doing what I can to get back to it. Heck, at 192 I am feeling amazing! I can only imagine that it’s going to get better from here on out.

Starting weight: 242

Current: 192

Total lost: 50!!!!




Getting used to this…

I’m having a ball getting used to how I am now. I feel like more of the old me is coming back but now I appreciate things more. I used to feel fat sometimes when I was younger. Now I realized that I wasn’t, it was just that society imposed these thoughts on women if we weren’t a size 4. So now I take my weight loss successes and enjoy them. I’m beginning to enjoy clothes shopping again. My confidence level is through the roof now too.

I posted a video on FB from last year. I was trying the “Go live” feature. In this video you can really see the difference in my face. It was full, round and double chin was strong. I had so many people coming up to me the next day saying that they didn’t realize how big the change in me was until they saw that video. They pretty much saw me everyday so the change wasn’t that evident.  I then would tell them the story of how I was washing my face and felt a bump on my jawline. I thought “omg is it a tumor?!” (side note: a friend of mine had a lump on his jawline and it turned out to be cancerous so that’s why I thought that).  Then I realized, nope, it’s just my jawbone, the double chin seemed to disappear overnight. I’m still a little freaked out when I feel that curve under my jawline.

I had another “didn’t recognize you” moment this week. I went to a meeting this week and saw someone who’s in the group who I hadn’t seen in about a month and a half. After the meeting I went over to say hi. He told me that when he first saw me walk in, he was wondering who I was. It wasn’t until after he saw my mom behind me that it hit him who I was. I told him that I saw the double take look on his face and was wondering what that was all about. We had a good laugh about it.

I did have someone say that they’re shocked that I talk about my weight loss so openly. I snapchat about it all the time. I say my weight..out loud. I am not embarrassed about it. It’s a fact and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. As a society, we’re taught that a lady never talks about her weight. Really?! I’ve learned not to be embarrassed about stuff like that. When we talk about things, sometimes people will tell you their experiences or have questions if they’re going through it too. We learn from each other. I’ve had people come up and ask about keto. If they’re interested, I point them to where I learned about it. I’ve also had some people give me ideas on how to better my keto recipes. It’s all about learning from each other and supporting each other.

Ok, time for the weigh in. I lost 1 pound this week but I have noticed a difference in my clothes. Everything fits looser. I bought a few shirts last week and a couple are too big already. Good thing they were only $5 each.  So I will take that 1 pound difference and take joy in the fact that physically I see a change for the better.

Starting weight: 242

Current weight: 198

Total lost: 44 pounds!!


Hitting goals like a BOSS!

My mini monthly goal was to hit 210 by the end of March 31st and I hit that on March 21st. BAM! That’s when I got super excited. I know this Low Carb is working but it really hit me that I’m succeeding at it and can do it. I’ve always heard of people on lc, atkins, keto and they always talk about how hard it is and they fall off the wagon. Surprisingly it really hasn’t been that hard for me. Yes, I miss bread but the rewards are totally worth it. Plus that pain that comes with eating flour keeps me from eating bread. I can see myself doing this long term even after I hit my goals. I do think I was at that point in my life where I had to make a life change. I had hit bottom and now I’m working my way back up to where I want to be.

So now my next goal is 199. I haven’t been under 200 since I was pregnant with my daughter, who’s 13 now. 199 is my 1st major goal for me and now it’s my April goal.  I didn’t think I would get to 199 until after summer, to be honest. Now it’s within sight and it’s really motivating me to keep at it!!

My non scale victory for the week was shopping. I have these 3 pairs of yoga capri pants that I’ve had for a few years that are to the point where they fall off of me. I have to hold onto the waistband when I walk because they’ll fall. Going upstairs holding a laundry basket is a challenge wearing these pants. So I went and bought me a pair of athleisure capri pants in a 2x but they were from the regular section, not the plus size section. So these are cut smaller than the plus version. I also bought some underwear (also regualr sizing, not plus sizing) because mine were too big and baggy. I got home and tried both on and they actually fit! Not only that, I realized I could go down a size in both. So I went the next day and bought the pants in an XL and they did fit!!!  I haven’t bought from the regular size section in years!!  Wow….just wow.

I am so feeling like Wonder Woman this week. I needed this boost in motivation. Onward to my next goal!!

Starting weight: 242

Current weight: 209

Total lost: 33 lbs!!!!


Lesson for this week: Gluten kicks my ass

So doing this WOE (way of eating) has opened my eyes to a lot of things. One of which is that my body is so much better off when I cut out flour. When deciding on whether to eat something, I ask myself  “is there any flour in this?”. If the answer is NO, then game on!! Flour = carbs. Simple and easy to remember and for me to do. So what some people in my Facebook low carb group do is scrape off the toppings off a regular pizza and eat the toppings. Sounds good. Well I learned this past week not to do that.

My hubby was the first to suggest that I may be gluten intolerant. Ok… maybe. Little backstory here: I have always had stomach issues. Always. As a little kid even. My parents took me to so many doctors and were so desperate to help me out that they took me to a “witch doctor” to help me out. Her treatment didn’t help. So I grew up trying to cope with my stomach issues. Went to college and learned to deal with it on my own. Which sucked because I wouldn’t do certain activities. If there wasn’t a restroom nearby, I wasn’t doing it. And I hated huge events because that meant lines and usually the urge would hit me and I had to go NOW.

As an adult I would go to a different doctor every few years and they would run every test under the sun. Some of those are not at all fun, pretty invasive actually. In the end I would be told “negative, there’s nothing wrong with you”. It was frustrating. When I got with my hubby, he would insist on me going to different doctors to see if they could help me. So more drs and more tests. And once again “Negative, nothing is wrong with you”. Even my hubby was getting frustrated with the doctors.  I finally found a dr who helped me somewhat. I had what I called “an endo attack” during my appointment with him. In addition to my stomach issues, I also suffer from endometriosis. And when my endo would flare up, it would make my stomach issues worse. I would have endo attacks that would last hours and I’d be stuck in the bathroom the whole time. I even passed out once from the pain. So you understand why I would try to stay home “just in case”.  Anyway, the doctor was running behind and came in to apologize and told us that he would definitely see us. After he left, I started bloating up and running to the bathroom. I think it was after my 4th trip to the bathroom, he ran into me in the hallway and asked what was wrong. That’s when he saw my stomach and gasped. I was considerably much “bigger”than when he last saw me. These endo attacks would always bloat me up to the point where I looked pregnant. I explained what was happening and he swore that he would figure it out. I had all the usual tests and he found nothing. He put me on every antibiotic he could to get rid of the bad bacteria and that helped somewhat. I wasn’t as bad as I used to be but it still was an issue. I was happy just for that. It was some improvement. I had another dr who prescribed a medication that I would take with meals that would help lessen the bathroom time. It was a life changer but I hated being on meds and sometimes I would forget to take the pills with me.

Back to my original thought of this post: hubby suspected I was gluten intolerant. I was open to it but didn’t give it much thought because that was part of what all those tests were for. And negative. But every time I ate flour, BAM!! I was sick again. So last week we went out to run errands and we decided to stop by a pizza place for some wings, pizza and stuffed mushrooms. I knew that they didn’t coat their wings in flour. And the stuffed mushrooms had no flour in it either. I scraped the toppings off my pizza because that’s when I’ve heard you can do and still be low carb. Within a few minutes of leaving the restaurant, I was sick. I got home and was sick for hours, running to the restroom. I went online and learned that if you do have a gluten allergy, you can get cross contamination by scraping off the toppings off a regular pizza. Ooooohhhh. Didn’t know that. Now I do.

So now, no more doing that. I need to be careful with gluten cross contamination because I don’t want to go through that again. Lesson learned.

Other than that, it was a good week. My mini goal is 210 by the end of the month. My new bigger goal is 199. That will put me under 200. It’s been 14 yrs since I’ve been there. Only 14 more lbs to go!!! Yes!!!!

Starting weight: 242

Current weight: 213

Total lost: 29 lbs.

New goal: 199

1st major goal = DONE!

This past week I hit my first major goal: 215. That’s right, 215. I still can’t believe that I hit that so fast. A little over 2 months and I lost 27 lbs. It’s really motivating me to keep going and see where this takes me. My next major goal is 199 or as they call it in my group “onehundredland”. I haven’t been under 200 in what seems like ages. My daughter is 13 so I figure at least 13 yrs.

I’m going on a vacation in about 3 months. I’m seeing my nieces. One is graduating High School so I’m excited to see that. They haven’t seen me thin either so that also is motivating me. I want them to proud of their Tia, who tells them constantly “you have it in you to do amazing things”. I’m going to show everyone personally that I’m walking the talk.

So my reward for hitting my major goal is Ulta. I LOVE makeup. I mean LOVE!! I never used to but once I hit menopause, I got “girly”.  Which is hilarious because all my life I was more tomboy than girly. Now I’m asking people “girl, what highlighter do you have on because it is poppin’?”. Really, I do. Just asked someone yesterday that question. So I got the Anastasia Modern Renaissance palette, Becca highlighter in Opal, Elf highlighter in Moonlight Pearls and 5 lipsticks (Tarte, Makeup Revolution, Ulta lip stain, Too Faced and Elf). Lipstick is my crack. Good thing there are no carbs in makeup. LOL

Starting weight: 242

Current weight: 215

Total weight lost: 27 lbs