…that I was led to believe that I was “fat” and that I was robbed of feeling good about myself.
I turn 50 in 10 days. So much change has gone on in my life but one constant thing I thought about myself was my “bad” self perception of my body. I was not the “skinny” body type that was displayed in magazines, on TV and every type of media. I was what I would call athletic. I had a butt. I had thighs and calves from years of being active. I had arms that, in my youth, would crack many wooden bats.
I never considered myself overweight until my late 30’s. Kids. They can do that to you sometimes. But I was “solid” in my teens and 20’s. Solid, however, was not skinny and so I developed a hatred of my body. My stomach wasn’t flat enough, I wasn’t tall enough. I wasn’t enough. I used to have a friend who always told me that I didn’t know what “fat” was. I get it now. Once I got into the 200’s, I prayed for the days of 150. I laugh because at one point, I thought 150 was “HUGE”.
So what brought this on? Today we found a vacuum sealed bag with some old, old, OLD favorite pieces of clothing. I had been wanting to find this because my daughter is 15 and I know she would LOVE these clothes. She’s such a fan of the 80’s style so this would be EPIC for her. I found skirts, dresses, trench coat, a bridesmaid dress and a few cardigans. But the best thing that came out of it was pulling those clothes out and realizing that I fit in them (except for 1 skirt). I’ve lost so much weight that I can fit into clothes from my teens/20’s. My daughter put on that one skirt I couldn’t fit into and it was kind of a struggle for her. She turned to me and said “how skinny where you?!”.
And that’s when I realized that I WAS skinny. I wasn’t “fat” or “chunky”. I was so convinced by society that I was and that led me down a dangerous road. A life time battle with myself.
So here I am. For the first time in my adult life, I am actually happy with my perception of my body. I came to that realization about a year ago, today just reinforced it.
So be happy with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. If someone isn’t happy with your body, that is their issue. You are the only opinion that matters. Don’t wait until you’re almost 50 to figure that out.